cusp reflections, gratitudes, devotions
welcome to my first newsletter!
hello all,
i’ve transitioned to substack from my website newsletter, as the formality of squarespace has felt limiting, and it is my intention to connect and share with more ease, more regularly!
i write to you from my bed, nestled in the woods of Vermont, frankincense smoke wafting, my coffee gone cold and balanced on a book of Adrienne Rich poems. my bed is strewn with books every morning—today’s curation is some Louise Glück, Alejandra Pizarnik, my tarot deck, Poetics of Reverie by Gaston Bachelard, and a few trauma-related books i am parsing through slowly, in tandem with my ongoing therapy—No Bad Parts, Becoming Safely Embodied, and Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy. always keeping it light over here!
good morning!
(happy to discuss books / recommendations with anyone, if you ever want to reach out)
it is almost the new year, and i am seeing many peers sharing sweet reflections of their lives lived, their sincere gratitudes. i love this moment, this cusp. i am a persistently reflective and often sentimental person, often overwhelmed by gratitude and i cry a lot because of this. maybe it’s a gift, to be so open to the beauty and also to the grief and ephemerality of every experience. to know so fully the depths of my own grief, and to be buoyed by joy so graciously. i feel so honored to be alive, to be awake and present here, to be surrounded by the most beautiful people and landscapes, to be safe. to live in alignment with my core values. i grieve that so many humans cannot access these experiences, because of the unadulterated evil that exists systemically in this world. i wish i could do more, though i will do what i can while i’m here.
2023 has been immense in many ways, personally. i learned much about my capacity, about my no’s, my yes’s, my desires, my staunch boundaries, my open heart. i let a lot go. i said no often—and i celebrate this! as a child raised with gaslighting and manipulation, my no has always been obfuscated by obligation and guilt. maybe you relate to that, and if so, i affirm you in your no’s, and your full-body yes’s!
2023 also has been immense for me artistically—i wrapped up an album that will soon be released!—it is an interdisciplinary body of work, with accompanying films and conceptual prose that i will publish as a book next year (speaking this as an affirmative manifestation). i also laid the foundation for another album two months ago, a project i am letting slow-churn through the winter to see how it emerges and takes shape. i’ve worked on all of the above with producer Kevin Copeland, master magician in every way. my musical work these last two years has been the most life-affirming, expansive, arduous, and fulfilling realm of my life without a doubt. i am in awe, always, of the divine channeling of music, and of the capacity to heal and grow through creative connection.
i began this year living back in Northern California—where i lived in 2019 whilst in herbal medicine school—with my dear friend Gabrielle, who deserves public affection for her unending support this year in all matters of the heart and creative process. she is my right-hand in so many growing pains, and is a true love of my life!
i toured this past spring with Damien Jurado, which was a real dream. i admire Damien artistically and personally, and i felt humbled and uplifted by the entire experience, so grateful to be brought along and believed in so fully. i cherish rambling around the west coast and southwest through many mountain ranges of this country’s expanse that i have driven time and time again in solitude. i love driving more than i love most things—i love and honor this land and do not take its generosity for granted.
i spent the summer in Chicago with my dearest friends, and played some of the most meaningful and empowering shows with my full seven-piece ensemble (beautiful footage here, if interested). they are the most brilliant musicians i know, and have so graciously embodied and expanded my music beyond what i could’ve imagined. thank you Hunter, Sarah, Meredith, Lily, Andy, Scott, and Chet. more from us in 2024!
i also swam in the lake every day, and cried through the sweltering heat and summer fire smoke, feeling alive and aching in grief and gratitude, as mentioned earlier. i also experienced great joy and playfulness, and laughed often.
also a highlight of this summer was teaching my first Open Tunings as Emotional Landscapes workshop, which i led with my friends and musical inspirations Dan Knishkowy of Adeline Hotel and Will Stratton. it was brilliant and beautiful to communally explore the mysticism of open tunings, and i’m so grateful to everyone that joined. i plan to lead another one this summer, so keep your eyes peeled for that!
this autumn, i moved full-time to Vermont, a home that has had my heart for many years since i first came and apprenticed with an herbalist when i was 20 years old. then i met the Berlow family, with whom i would come stay for residency stints to work on music over the last two years, and live amongst the sheep. now i live right down the hill from them in my own cabin, surrounded by a marshland of birches, hemlocks, oaks, goldenrod, cattails, and comfrey. some things just fall into place, and you meet the right people at the right time, and it’s just what you need. i am indebted to them and to this land for giving me such steadiness, strength, and bolstering. they are my chosen family, and i am beholden by gratitude and here i am crying again!
i released Floodplain on Ruination Record Co. in September, accompanied by a little northeast run of shows. thank you to all the friends i played with along the way, i was slowin’ down at that time and touring felt arduous yet still so sweet and tender to sing in quiet rooms. i sang in so many rooms, echoing churches, mystical backyards, a few chatty bars, and cherished listening spaces this year. so very grateful to share song.
and lastly! i just pressed my forthcoming album on vinyl, which is a dream come true. they are gorgeous gatefold beauties designed by my dearest friend Sarah Reed, legendary graphic designer, legendary companion for almost a decade now. you’ll be able to pre-order one soon :)
this year i realized, more clearly than ever, how i want to live cyclically, in tune with the land and the greater hand at work. i’ve grown clearer about my path, and all its many tendrils and open ends. i found a steadiness that i’ve always longed for.
anyways, thank you for indulging in my reflections.
i’m hunkered in for the winter, which is the slowness my spirit needs. i’m working as a youth program director here with kids, and will begin teaching voice again in the new year after i partake in a Somatic Voicework training program—something i am very excited about. among a multitude of other passions, i am passionate about the intersection of somatic connection, music therapy, and the healing channel of the voice. stay tuned for more on that!
2024 looks like a lot of releasing—birthing the work i have been germinating for a long time, and allowing things to unfold from there naturally.
i am eager to share this bounty of music that means more to me than anything.
i am eager to grow food and garden. i’m plotting out my herbs and ordering seeds for spring.
i am eager to lean into deep winter, to sew and make clothes, to knit, to read, to write, to spend time with kids, to care for elders, to listen inwardly, to listen to the quiet trees, the stillness of the wind.
i am patiently eager to see what is to come!
i hope you are well,
thank you for reading and spending time with me if you made it this far.
sending peace and warmth.
with love,
hannah frances